Do you know?

How often do you feel like you cannot understand yourself? Someone whom you know for as long as you live (because that person is you) did something driven by emotion but you fail to crack the code. What was it?

Have you ever watched a movie/clip that always make you tear up for no reason? You check your inside and everything is still in place. What was it? Tears are not cheap, you gotta know what you spent it for, no?

How did you make yourself cry and how did you not know why that happened? Aren’t you supposed to be the one who know yourself? Go figure!

Photo: Snapped from Davy Linggar’s work “Kali Kedua” MV



When people pop a question “Do you know yourself?” How would you answer this? Of course we know who we are. But sometimes you get to know yourself better through someone else who interact with you..

This is about me. Not many people know that I’m kinda hard on myself about everything. Very critical and I rarely let go myself with my past mistakes. I think I am not strong enough to deal with this mean world, little that I know I am more than that.

This afternoon I talked with a flat mate and she told me a bit about our mutual friend, a pretty girl with money and everything. I just heard that her BF dumped her. I could not comprehend the fact that this girl (let’s call her Lynn) spent so much time to contact her ex, to ask him to come back at her. Knowing that from my flat mate, I got furious. So many questions popped in my head… I just do not understand people who chase someone solely to beg for love. It is the best way to waste your time and to lose your pride. Haven’t you any pride left to pick up what is left from the relationship and move on with your life? I know I sound very insensitive but some people need a knock on their heads to realize their self worth.

I am not trying to say that you cannot chase your loved ones but when the love is no longer there and you have been the loser part and you know you are left with no choice of leaving because you love him so much. Seriously? What are you? A dog?!?? It is not like the world is gonna end when he breaks up with you. Try to sleep and wake up the next morning with sunshine greets you in the morning. If that does not happen you can call me to hold the responsible of my shit.

That relationship is so wrong in too many ways. That couple meet when the guy says yes. He got to decide where to meet and it is usually somewhere near his house for his own easier access leaving the girlfriend must go far away to meet him. What kind of love is this when you are never the main consideration? You should just tell him to go fu*k himself. He took you for granted and you let him to walk all over you like some kind of dirty rug on the floor. Where is your self pride?

Love is blind? Yes, in case of who you love. But when it comes to you, aren’t you becoming the part of the relationship? Then why is he treating you like shit?

I was in a short relationship a few years ago until the guy decided to leave without any explanation. No whys or hows. Nothing! When he quit the contact, I quit it too. I did try to ask why ofc but I quit soon after the third tries. I decided to face him and I realized he chickened out but pretended nothing happen and everything still runs the way it used to be. When I finally get all figured out (not long after the meeting), I walked away by deleting all messages and phone number. I knew I was angry and I could not accept the fact that some guy treated me like this, but luckily my logic took control and slowly but sure I left the battle and I am still struggling to make a peace with myself, that it was never my fault and I should stop questioning why because no matter what explanations thrown at me, I will still be upset and furious about it.

Actually reasonings are not that important as the departure always means that there is no connection. It takes two to tango. If your partner decides to leave, let him/her go because he/she is not worth fighting for.

Logic is given to us by God and it is out job to use it. There is no excuse for being a weak lady when you know your self worth, you know what you want and you won’t settle for less. This is a cruel world we are living means we already have problems stepping out of the door to work everyday without your significant other treating you like shit. For God’s sake you earn your own living, why would you need a trashy guy like that? Have a self worth, Lady! You know you deserve all the best things and awful man is never one of them.

Photo: Snapped from Davy Linggar’s work “Kali Kedua” MV




Stubborn Love

Some love are stubborn, hard to forget, lingering, haunting.. even when chance had closed the door long time ago, but the memory refuses to leave.
내게로 와줬어서 고마워~ 널 잊을 수 있었으면 좋겠는데 너랑 같이 그 추억들이 아직 남아 있어..
연락 없어도 그리움이 많아. 어떻게 해야 하나?
아무리생각해도 이겐 나만 하는/생각하는 일인데… 너 같은 사람은 진짜 없거든.. ㅠㅠ
우리가 시간이 안 맞아서 아쉽지~?!?
나랑 먼저 만났으면 우리 행복할까?
작년에 딱 이 순간 우리 같이 있었어… 아침에 산라이스 보고 산책도 같이 하고.. 기리워~
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