20150522

Hm?




What does it mean when you wake up in the morning, thinking about one particular person, the same person, for a few days already... but it's kinda sad thought.. because you know s/he will be away from you in a few months. It's still couple of more months to come but you can already feel the empty place it creates. What is it?

Love?

No, not again! No, I know love~ It's not like this.

It's probably the feeling of a person who consumes pure oxygen in a tank everyday... but s/he knows that the oxygen tank stock is decreasing. That depressing. Yea, it feels like the world is gonna collapsing soon, when the last oxygen tank is finally gone.

God...

How many times in this life I have to feel this kind of pain? I really want to know. I really do.

For a bestie who will leave me stranded in this foreign land. As long as you're happy, Darl~

20150502

Avoidance



This situation is embarrassing.
I gotta do something.
I didn't know what.. until today.
Avoidance is necessary... for it prevents further embarrassment.
Nothing to be embarrassed about.
I just feel the need to save the last piece of dignity that I have.
I never know that energy swifts side.
The positivity is no longer there.
Things just go to the opposite direction without my consent.
So it's been about liking or hating.
My liking period is over, so the hating period takes over.
It is not planned.
You cannot hold up energy for too long.
It must be channeled...
If the channel is clogged, it will find its own way..
even if it means your disapproval..
It doesn't need your yes.
Neither no.
I just cannot see you right now without wanting to rip myself off.
Let's just not..
Ever again.

/jingga

Another dream

I had a dream last night.. it was pretty heart warming but it makes me upset for the whole day also.
I dunno the setting but suddenly I was with a British guy, taller than me, brunette hair, skinny and younger.. How do I kno? No idea. He was holding my hand, said he likes me and so.. We were dating.. One day when we were going somewhere, a cafe, an outdoor one.. he was holding my hand until suddenly he let it go off...all of sudden. I followed his direction, where he looked. The convo goes like this:
Me: You haven't told her you wanna break up?
Him: No. I'm afraid it will hurt her feeling.
Me: Now you hurt my feeling..
Then I woke up.
Wow.. even in my dream people take me for granted. No wonder it is worse in reality.
Pissed.