Feeling Beautiful~

Complication. Why it never leaves me.. I deal with complications until today and I just felt sometimes it's all too much. I overthink anything, that's not a secret, and it's just getting more and more outta hand. One case, someone I know want me to write my experience and then making it a book. As silly as it sounds, I don't like that idea myself since you can see there are loads of books nowadays and they are all talking about my 2nd homeland, why would I want to be person #3929 who wants to do the same thing? About my scholarship, I bet there are loads of books that talk about how to get a scholarship nanana and those people write in more civilized ways than I do. I can't just tell people, "I got this scholarship because I'm just one of those lucky brats who get things they want in one try. Well, not exactly one try but in my case I just got it. I'm not even a bright student. Not at all. That 2 years of graduate school, I actually get to know myself, learn how to be independent and count on myself. Studying was something I do in my free time, the main thing was walking around enjoying my stay, trying to make friends, absorbing things around me, realizing my weakness, etc etc. My mark isn't excellent either, and to be honest, I don't really like to talk about school. LOL~
So yeah.. I'm still trying to figure out what to write and how I will do it. What is interesting enough to write about myself that worth sharing? I dunno... 

That picture above, I just wanna post it as a reminder that dream really do come true. I'm one of the witnesses that miracle do exist. The wish to study abroad without paying is a big dream indeed and it's possible to be realized. How can I write it? I'm still figuring out~


Photo is captured from Up the movie by Pixar~


New Phone REQUIRED!!!

If you recall an incident I had last few weeks, I still have the phone with me. I'll just retell it. So this friend is somehow got interested to my phone and she just decided to swap her phone with mine. Mine was Nokia 1200 and hers is Nokia XpressMusic blabla.. As you can guess.. actually mine costs far less than hers, yet she lost my phone (while we're still swapping). Until now I still have her phone yet that phone keep dying on me at the time when I need it the most, like yesterday. I give up. I will just return this phone and get a new one. Somehow I got my eyes set on a cheap phone by Samsung. A clam shell one... it would be lovely if I can get the purple one! Hohoho...

I dunno how will she repay me for losing my phone that I love dearly. I have all my contacts and a few special smses and notes. It hurts me a little everytime I think about it. I don't know. Shall I forget it and start a new life with a new phone. I can't take it anymore. If this XpressMusic got broken while it's still with me, I'll be in deeper trouble, I guess. I'm sick of this. I should be able to say no next time for anything that I don't like or doesn't meet my agreement/liking. Once my little bro will come from his interview, I will ask him to take me buying this phone. 
If it were you, what will you do if you were my friend who lost somebody else's phone? Will you buy the new one or just being all silent after saying thousands of apologies? If it were me, I will buy her the phone, exactly like the one I lost. If that kinda phone is no longer exist, I will let her choose the phone she likes with the same range of price. 
This is so shitty that I just can't forget this incident. I hate the fact that it's me who has to be burned by the thing that I did not even innitiate in the past (the swap). Responsibilities? Where are you when people need you? Fuck my gut for never showing up when I need it the most. I need it now to finish all this shits I'm dealing, to just ask what I deserve and all. Yet, as usual, I just chose to be in silencio. 

yours who misses her old phone a lot,


Twilight Solitude

Have you ever heard of a song entitled "Twilight Solitude" by Casiopeia? I like that song since I was in my undegrad. When I heard it for the first time... it's totally a serene melody that can throw people to a cozy twilight.. Anyway, I found a picture that shows a serene twilight, created by a facebook friend named Florian Hutagalung. He's just amazing with his photo composition. Gawd... I need to learn more about this~

Here is the picture:

Awesome, isn't it? Dang... I just feel emotionally moved looking at this picture. I'm weird. LOL~
Anyway, have a great time!!


If you wanna hear Twilight Solitude by Casiopeia, here it is!! Enjoy! :D


My SMS Addiction

Sejak pulang aku punya beberapa kebiasaan baru yang beda banget dibanding dulu sebelum pergi2. Salah satunya adalah tentang SMS. Dulu aku suka banget smsan, tapi sejak pulang aku jadi males. Hp juga aku taroin-nya sesuka jidat. Kadang kalo inget baru diliat, bisa tiga hari sekali, seminggu sekali. Jadilah temen-temen pada koar-koar kenapa SMS ga dibales, etc. Understandable sih, karna aku balesnya 3 hari kemudian… ato kalo males ya ga dibales aja gituh. Baru-baru ini ada temen yang bikin aku jadi suka smsan. Pertama-tama sih males banget tapi entah gimana jadi rajin balesin dan suka aneh kalo ga ada sms2 itu. Bukan kenapa2, cuman aku ngerasa aku jadi gampang kecanduan, more of kecanduan smsnya itu. Aku ga suka the feeling of addiction karna berat aja di otak. Beberapa hari ini aku juga coba ngelepasin diri dari kecanduan internet dan kebukti emang oke banget. Sholatnya jadi tepat waktu trus bisa ngelakuin yang lain-lain.
Sebenernya kalo internet addiction sih lebih ringan daripada SMS addiction, menurutku. Internet addiction itu gak melibatkan siapa2, tapi kalo SMS addiction mau ga mau kita ngelibatin orang lain (masa mau SMS diri sendiri, trus dibales sendiri? LOL). Namanya aja kecanduan, pasti pengennya berbalas terus kan?! Nah kalo uda gini pasti susah berhenti. Kalo dari akunya yang brenti, ga enak. Kesannya ga sopan amat tiba2 stop aja gituh. Sedangkan kalo lawan SMS yang tiba2 brenti, akunya yang jadi sebel kenapa ga dibales-bales. Perasaan nunggu balesan yang ternyata balesan itu ga akan datang, itu yang aku ga suka. Nunggu sesuatu yang ga pasti, mungkin itu yang aku bener-bener ga suka. Anyway, harus menghentikan kecanduan ini, latian lagi melatih kesabaran dan latian untuk ga gampang kecanduan.
Pernah denger sekelebat tentang addiction, katanya orang yang gampang kecanduan adalah orang-orang yang introvert. Well, mungkin ada benernya. Aku ngerasa diriku sekarang makin introvert. Banyak sih alasannya, yang paling jelas sih kaya kehilangan kepercayaan aja sama orang-orang. Actually, aku cuman ngerasa kudu bisa melindungi diri sendiri dari sakit hati atopun segalanya yang bikin berat kepala, makanya aku batesin segala sesuatu yang bisa mengarah kesitu. Trust no one? Haha.. Ada benernya juga kali ya pendapat diatas. Anyway, pengen banget bisa easy going dalam menjalani hidup. Ga usa mikir yang berat-berat ato yang susah-susah.
Langkah pertama yang kudu dilakukan adalah menghilangkan SMS addiction inih. Ajja ajja fighting!!


Ah jealousnyaaa... ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Kemaren seorang temen (lagi) mamerin foto dia bareng Steven Kaligis (vokalis Steven and Coconuttreez/Steven Jam). Duh, merana banget. Pengen foto bareng jugaaaaa… T_T Berasa pengen emosi. Excuse me tapi temen2ku itu bukan big fan-nya Tepeng, paling cuman suka reggae aja… Nah aku?!!! I’m a big fan!! Kadang dunia emang ga adil juga sih.. Kadang orang yang ga ngarepin tiba2 dapet aja… Ah masi sebel pokoknya~
Ini nih potonya… ==*
He eh… pake peluk2 segala gituh ==*

The jelly jelly,


Ok 됐어!!!!

It's always weird when someone we used to know pretty close suddenly keeping distance. Indeed, something happened in the past, some kinda problem, but it was like months ago and this person is just still holding into it.
It's a he. A professional baseball player, used to be my friend, if I even may call it that way. Now we are almost like strangers, even not like player and fan anymore. I am not blaming him for taking distance but somehow I feel said too realizing we are no longer friends. We used to be really close, talking via twitter almost everyday. Actually we still follow each other via twitter but we hardly talk. That is sad. 
If I may look to the past, the problem was actually from our discussion. We were talking about the existence of fans and players in baseball. I was saying that players should treat their fans well, etc up to the point that we were kinda arguing that players and fans could never share the same feeling about baseball since fans can only cheer while it's the hardwork of the players that will bring the team to success. 
We were arguing so hard that I felt that what he said hurt me as well as a baseball fan. He was swearing at me via twitter. I was so sad, I DM him telling him to delete his tweets to me because I hate how other people are stalking our convos and then they just appeared out of the blue, mingling into the convo. Guess what? He refused to delete it. 
I was so hurt that I decided to stay away from him, in fact I filter him out of my tweetdeck because I really do not want to see his name at my timeline. After a while, I said hi to him again via new account, he followed me back so I locked that account. I tried to keep in touch with him tho sometimes he still snapped me for the things that is not even hurting. Even a praise about his new uniform (now he joins some MLB club, I forgot the name) could lead into a snap and that was in the morning. It was like... his snap was the first thing he did after checking his twitter?
Then I come to a new realization that this guy must be sick in mind that he can only hurt people who tried to befriend him. Since then I quit talking to him. After a few months, I tried to say hi and he only answered coldly and yesterday was the day when I fully realize it. I posted a pic of him from KBO and he answered only "cool....". I see no more future in our friendship. 
I don't know what was in his mind, maybe he was upset about something but he always managed to find a way to let it out to someone innocent. This guy needs an anger management. 
I think I linger too much on my past. I thought it's a pity that our friendship becomes like this since we were good friends before. Anyway, I am a sensitive person too, that is why I always watch my words when I tweet him because I know he is short tempered, yet still he managed to snap me for something even un-snap-able. LOL~ I guess we are truly over. 
In the past, he voluntarily gave me his old glove. His position was as outfielder and maybe he brings a lot of gloves with him. He gave me a Rawlings glove, something that costs so much... X_X I swear I never asked him to give me anything. I am never that kinda person who always try to use others. He actually promised to give me his Dr. Dre earphone but I never really asked him about it again after he said it. Later on he decided to give me the glove. I like the glove more, it has memory with him, so I think it's more precious. Wanna kno how it looks like?

Okay... I think that's all... I lost my mood to write more. I might be back to edit this post, but unlikely no. LOL~
Lovin' you this much,