I am sorry for blaming you

For all the things I couldn't do
And I hurt myself...

by hurting you~

-Christina Aguilera-


Friend or Foe?

I've been really weary on my surrounding nowadays, how people get more and more invading others' life and how people becoming really insensitive over things they do that agress other people. 
I have a friend who continuously commenting on my facebook about when I will get married? I mean.. come on, Guys. Is it really how you show that you care about me? By hurting my feeling? By showing people how
 I am incapable of getting a guy who would voluntarily marrying me? Are you sick in your mind? Is there really nothing else that can be discussed aside from the fact that I am still unmarried even until now? What is your point of always telling people that I am old and I need to get married soon?
I am deeply hurt. I was so speechless that I just decided to delete her comment right after she wrote it. If she is really a good friend, she will stop telling me what to do and she will just try to make me stop thinking how awful it is to always be reminded that I need to get married ASAP.
I know we were close before, I am aware of that. I know we used to say whatever things that cross our minds, but things are different now since she is married and has a kid. Don't you think that the more people grow up, they need to grow their balls too? Oups.. I mean, they need to be mature too?
Anyway, she is my classmate in my 3rd year of Senior High School, she was actually one of my seatmates.
Secondly, other things that keep on bothering me. One of a good friends decided to say that he likes me and he just keeps on saying it over and over. Long story short, I like him but not in that sense. I like him as friends, not as whatever he thinks about. I bluntly said no, believe me I tried to use soft words, up to the worst dictions that may ever come to my email writings.
Lately, he smsed me nonstop, asking me to go out. WTF are you thinking, man? You have destroyed our friendship and now you also still insist to chase after me? Were you really my friend? Why not trying to leave me alone?
Seriously, I just thought that things cannot get back to they way it were before. He said he wanted to ask me out casually, as friends, as we used to be. But any dorks will know that a friendship like that is spoiled already and there is nothing you can do to save it. If only you could shut your mouth up and keep your feeling for your fuckin' self.
I hate being terrorized and I just can't go on like this. I have let this friendship goes because I simply cannot live with this condition of someone liking me and I don't like him back. Let's find our own paths and forget these shits we are having now.


Oh you again..

I dunno what I did to you that you necessarily have to invade my soul like this. 
Yea, I'm being over dramatic here but this is just getting more and more insane.
So this morning (yeah morning) I dreamed of Binnie again.
This time I didn't remember the detail but I think I was in a position where I was supposed to take him around during his trip in Indonesia. OMG
I can just remember a cut when we were outside the car and I said to him, "Keluar yuk, kemana gitu".
Yep, in bahasa T_T
He looked at me happily, then he told people that he will go out and nobody should disturb.
I don't know this anymore~