pic source: www.asianinfo.org
Before you read this, I want you to know that I’m gonnabe mean. I have had this thought in my head for quite some time and I really want to spit it out right now.
This is about one of men’s attitude toward women. Talking about this thing is embarassing for me. I am a Javanese, and Javanese people do not talk about money like this. This is “saru”, but I can’t help not to write this out.
It was started with a conversation via phone with an old friend. He intended to meet me and I pointed a café to go. He suddenly hold back his request and said…
“I don’t think I have the money to go there”.
I said, “It’s ok. It’s on me”.
He said, “No, I should pay it. I don’t want you to pay for me”.
I said, “Are you ashamed?”.
“Yes. Girls should not pay.”
This remark really shocked me. Oh my goodness, I was suddenly reminded. When we went out, him, other friends and me, I never paid anything. He or other GUY friends always paid the bill. Yeah, it wasn’t fancy resto, but still they paid my bill too.
This fact reminded me of my ex (I swear to God that I will never reveal his identity). When we went out, we didn’t go out much, I am sure that I had paid the bill. Well, maybe he paid. Once, twice… I can count it with one hand and I am sure it won’t be more than that. All of those outings were not expensive outings. Believe me! It was always funny, when we finished with the eating, I’ll go to the cashier and pay the bill. I did it all the time until somehow I believe that it is my obligation to pay our bill. Until the phonecall above, I did not realize that as a guy, he was the one who should pay for my bill. He was my boyfriend, and I swear I have lowered my standard of what can be said as proper eateries and beverage. I had been living in Mars, where the women paid their men’s bills. For crying out loud!
That was not the end. I went to Jakarta recently doing my visa. I am really grateful with the help of some friends, I could finish it fast. One of them, he really helped me out with taking me here and there, when Jakarta’s weather was really hot and sunny. He had to work, still he helped me out with my things. He deserved a great lunch, right? So, we went to Jln. Jaksa and we ate something there. When I intended to pay, he forbid me. He said he’ll pay it. Fortunately, there was a phone call. He was on the phone when I walked to the cashier and paid our bill. When I came back, he looked shocked.
“Did you pay the bill?”
“Yup.” I said
“You shouldn’t. I wanna treat you. You rarely went to Jakarta and you’ve always wanted to go to Jalan Jaksa, remember? Now I want to treat you”.
“No, I should treat you because you have taken me everywhere today. It’s ok”.
“Gosh, I am so ashamed. Come on! How much did you spend? I’ll pay it.”
“Oh come on, I’m going next month. So, this is a thank you lunch”
“Okay, then you can treat me when I am back here”.
“Geez… This is embarassing! Thanks a lot. You really shouldn’t pay!!”
That was our conversation last Friday. Again, I felt really flattered and hurt at the same time. Flattered because of my friend’s kindness and hurt because of my ex.
Those two friends were not alone. The day before I went to Depok to see my Korean friend, let’s call her D. I spent the night in her apartment. When we sat in the apartment’s verandah, sunddenly there were two Korean boys approaching. They were the friends of D. After a few chit chat, we were invited to a dinner. We will cook together, so we bought the cooking materials together. We went to the nearest supermarket. I picked my own materials because I wanted to “contribute” something. D did the same. When we went to the cashier, they grabbed all of our buys and paid them. I couldn’t argue because I don’t speak that much Korean and they were just in Indonesia for a month. They smiled and say, we men pay. I looked at D and she said “it’s normal for Korean guys to pay for women”. One more time, I have to face the reality that what I did (paying for my BF bills) were really improper. That evening was fabulous, we ate a lot. I was delighted, not to mention that one of that guy gave me a Korean – Indo conversation book and a face treatment mask (don’t ask me why he has such kinda thing, I don’t know).
Back to this ex. I really really kept this thing for myself, until today. I was to ashamed to say it to anyone that I did silly thing. I really want to warn the girls here, not to take men, who do not pay their bills, seriously. When they don’t have money, they should stay at home and watch Indonesian Football League instead of asking girls out and letting them pay the bills. Shame on you who do that! You really put your gentlemen quality into trash can. We, girls, do not want you to pay for us all the time. Believe me, it is no problem for us to open our purse and take out some rupiahs. But you guys, you really need to show how much you care for us and how you can take care of us. Isn’t it something normal that men should take care of their women?? And we can always take turn paying or we can do split bills as well.
I know I risk myself writing this. I just wanna show you that my stupidity should not happen to you, Girls. Pick your man. Pick a gentleman, kick the loser out.